I May Have Figured it Out

Whilst in London last week I was forced to take a good hard look at my life and where I am headed. This happened when I asked a friend “Where do you see yourself in five years time.” Their response was “I see myself married with kids in a house with a veggie patch.” I think this is a beautiful place to want to be in in five years time, I just have no desire to have that life. My question however forced me to think about my life and the next five years.
It stayed with me the whole weekend as I wandered around Cambridge. A place I semi worship for all the fantastic and amazing science that has come from there. I mulled it over, whilst sipping mulled wine. It was there at the back of my thoughts, lingering, taunting me. “It’s time to make a decision Lexie. It’s time to commit to something. It’s time to let go of what ever has been holding you back. It’s time to make a plan that doesn’t involve you making cocktails, find that dream, commit to it. It’s time.”
My dream doesn’t involve a marriage and children. It does involve a house though with lovely furniture both modern and antiques. Bright and airy with a back yard and a small veggie patch in the inner suburbs of some city in the world. It could be Berlin, it could be London maybe Edinburgh eventually it will be Melbourne as that is where my heart belongs. If I had the money it would be all of them but that is truly just a dream.
In my five year plan there is sometimes a man. He sometimes has a face, the face of past lovers and boyfriends but normally it is blank, I guess I haven’t met the man yet that that face belongs to, I am pretty sure he has dark hair though…. I could be wrong.
It’s my career that has been plaguing my thoughts. I want to find a way to combine my love of science with my creative side. I always have, I used to talk about being a science journalist when I was a kid but then I also used to talk about how I was going to be an actor on Home and Away. I was totally going to be the next Angel. At some point during high school or Uni I got side tracked into pure science and I love it but over the past few years I have wanted more. There has been a yearning for something creative. I found it in Instagram and in this blog a freedom to express and take a chance. I found it on that stage when I finally did stand up and now I don’t want to go back to just the lab. I want to combine science and art and share my passion for them. So I have decided I need to go back to Uni and complete my masters in Science communication. Hopefully I will be able to do this in the UK as they have the best courses there and if I do it in Australia well that means I would have to live in Western Australia or Canberra, not high on my list of places to live at the moment. WA would do for a year but Canberra, no thanks. I know this means I have to give up my life in Berlin that hasn’t really got stared yet. Which I am sad about but the school year doesn’t start in the UK till after their summer so I have a while. I might have to come home and work my butt off in Australia to get some money, not the worst thing to happen. So now I have a plan and it’s one I am happy about. I know this is the way forward for me. Well for now it is, that’s unless I decide next week that I want to be the drummer in an all female punk rock band. That’s the beauty of the five year plan. Is just a plan. It’s an idea of where you’re headed but things change, dreams alter and shift at least for now I have a direction. As I was floating out there in the ether for a while. I was lonely and confused. So now I am just going to pull myself together and enjoy my time in Berlin, no more sulking, no more feeling sorry for myself. Everything will work out in some way or another as its all just an adventure and I get to choose my own path.

xo
LL

P.S I wouldn’t mind though if the man of my dreams did come along though or just a really cute fling.

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