It was the much anticipated second date, How will it go? Will we have nothing left to talk about and just stare at each other awkwardly for an hour then go, right home time? Do we kiss hello? Oh god the stress. So to set the science after many texts back and forth it was decided to meet in Charlottenburg and he was going to show me this Castle, which with a little bit of research I now realise is a palace. I wasn’t super keen on going out to Charlotrenburg at 7:30 at night I just didn’t really see the point at looking at something in the dark and cold but he said it was pretty at night with the lights, so I gave him the benefit of the doubt.
We meet at Richard Wagner Platz on the platform, there was no kiss hello just a hug. This was completely acceptable for a second date, well I think it is. I am not the best at this dating thing as I have mentioned before. He walked me to the castle and conversation came easily enough. It did look nice in the evening all lit up but nothing amazing. I think it will be better in a week when the Christmas market they were constructing out the front opens, then it might just be magical. So we walked and chatted and held hands it was nice, it was also freezing cold and then a security guard came up on a bike (he looked like Benny Hill) and started telling us off for being there, that the palace park was closed and that we had to go back the way we came. This was all in German so no idea what was being actually said but got the idea it was time to move on. The security guard also just rode behind us and another couple the whole time we were walking back to the gate to make sure and would periodically yell at us. It was a wee bit odd. I assumed form here we would be heading to a bar or cafe for a drink and something for dinner and not knowing the area I just walked beside him assuming there was a plan. Also I was only paying slight attention to where we were headed but I was keeping note that we seemed to be moving further from the station I had arrived at. I started to feel uncomfortable at this point.
“There seems to be nice pubs around here.” I mentioned thinking, oh he will say let’s go in on, he didn’t. Then I tried ” Man it’s cold, it would be nice to go inside.” Nothing again about going into one so then I got sick of it and was feeling uneasy. “Where are we going, you are going to have to show me how to get home, I have an early flight tomorrow, remember I am going to London.” He just made a joke about me not knowing the area yet or something, really just shrugging me off. Then it “Here, this is my street, lets to up.” I was pissed off at this point. I had made it clear I wasn’t keen on going back to a place on the first date and also in the text messages we had been exchanging. I was annoyed he hadn’t listened to me but it was cold and I did need to pee so I agreed to go up.
His apartment was nice enough, small and like a students. Stuff every where a play station. It was just a single room flat, noting special at all and messy (Tip #9 if you are going to take a girl back to your house, clean it. Mess is not attractive. It makes us go well if I am ever with this person longtime I will be the one cleaning. Not cool) I look around and I the kitchen he pulls me in and kisses me, it was very romantic and nice and full passion. I however was still very uncomfortable and did not like where this was headed at all, alarm bells were ringing but I ignored them. I told myself no he heard what I said the other day and my brain was also over risen by, man he has a good body and nice eyes and he likes you. Stupid brain. He tried to lead me to the bed and I kept away from there then finally I sat on the bed with him and continued kissing, it was nice but he just kept trying it on. All of a sudden he is undoing his pants, excuse me…. I do not approve of this (Tip #10 if a girl wants you to remove your pants she will help you do so, do NOT assume she wants you to. You come across as rapey). This is where I drew the line. I had had enough.I am sure I will be told by what I said next I caused the rest to happen, I don’t think so. I think his reaction to what I said caused the rest to happen. I said “nothing has changed since the other night, I am still not going to sleep with to just yet.” Now I know it’s pretty forward but he was being forward in taking off his pants. I followed it up with “If this is what you were expecting then I might as well leave now. ”
I went to the toilet at that point to give him a minute to think and also giving myself a moment to calm down. I came back and he said “don’t go, please” so I thought ok he knows I am not going to do anything this will be fine. For like 10 mins we chat for a bit, he starts kissing me again and then he is trying to put my hand on his penis (Tip #11 very similar to Tip #10 if a girl wants to touch your penis she will do so of her own accord. Forcing her hand down there makes you come across as kinda rapey). at this point I am frustrated and and getting angry that he isn’t listening to me. So I tell him, this isn’t going to happen and he goes very cold and distant but still trying to grope me, clearly thinks he can some how turn on some arsehole routine and I will want to make him like me so I will sleep with him. Sadly I think this might have worked on 20-24 year old lex but not now. This is a bullshit card to play and is just tapping into someone’s insecurities and all humans desire tovar people like them. The he said something that made my blood boil and made me realise that my instincts had been right front he start. It made me sick to the stomach that he actually thought this and said it out loud. To my face. It terrifies me that men/boys still have this attitude. He said
“You made it hard, you have to deal with it!”
Oh no I FUCKING don’t, you can DEAL with that yourself. Just because you got all randy and managed to get an erection does not mean it is my responsibility to ‘assist’ you with it. (Tip #12 never says this.) By this point I was done I got up put my coat on and headed for the door, but I didn’t know where I was. I had no clue how to get home. So I said “are you at least going to pretend to be a gentleman and walk me to the station?” “I will just show you on the map.” So I am loosing my mind at this stage. Shaking with anger. I turn to him, he stepped back pretty quickly, there must have been pure rage in my eyes and I said “I thought we were just going to hangout.” “We did then I….” I just left walked out the front door and out into the cold cold night. Fuming mad and trying to stop the tears. I was more angry at myself than anything. I was annoyed that I had thought this guy liked me and wanted to get to know me. I was annoyed that if I wasn’t a strong person who respected myself I might have stayed and slept with him. I was annoyed that he would have done this to other girls. I just couldn’t believe I had let myself get in that situation. I thought I was smarter than that, guess I was wrong. Tip #13 this is the biggest one of all NO MEANS NO! In any language and you have to respect that everyone needs to respect that. I don’t care what country, you come from, your background, your religion. NO MEANS NO, AND DON’T ASK ME AGAIN.
I got home and spoke to a friend and I know she was only trying to make me feel better about everything and she said “well maybe just take it to be flattering that a guy thought you were cute and wanted to sleep with you.” This didn’t help, it’s not hard to find someone who wants to sleep you that’s the easy part. I want to find someone who respects me and thinks I am intelligent and wants to spend time with me with my clothes on and thinks I am attractive and wants to sleep with me. Is that really to much to ask?
All in all guys I am safe, I wasn’t hurt in any way and sadly for a woman it is part of life, I desperately wish it wasn’t. I also know that I will find someone eventually who is all those things from above, it just takes some people longer than others to find each other.