Birthdays for me are always bitter sweet. I love celebrating but I hate getting older. Birthdays overseas away from your family and friends are also always difficult. This year I turned 29 and I did it in style on a boat cruise from Olympos to Fethiye with three friends a fuss was made there was champagne (only 5%), sparklers and fireworks but part of my heart wasn’t there. For the last few years my Birthday has been an extravaganza event with one of my closest friends meow and this time we weren’t together. I didn’t get to talk to my dad and both my brothers forgot, not that them forgetting is unusual it’s just sometimes you want them to remember, particularly when your a million miles away and feeling a bit home sick.
This year is an odd one for me as I have dubbed it the year of the adventure and I am currently 5 weeks into the biggest trip I have ever embarked on as well as quitting my job and just not really sure what I am doing with my life. 29 seems such a daunting age as next year is 30 and hell I was meant to have my shit sorted by this stage and I don’t. I am no where near knowing what I want from my life and laying on beaches and cruising the Mediterranean doesn’t seem to help me make decisions either everything is slow, the sun steals your desire to think and sleep is always just around the corner.
When I think about my life I want to do everything and nothing all at the same time. I love science and being in the lab but I know it’s not what I want to do for the rest of my life. I want to teach and educate people about science as I want to share my passion and spark the interest of science in others. I also want to try my hand at media communications, event planning and there is always the dream of owning bars and restaurants and creating a name for myself that way. The I think screw it all and marry rich and become a charity wife. Not a soccer mum, but a charity wife, where I organizer dinners and events for my favorite charities and causes.
Having a family isn’t high on my list of priorities, I know that sounds weird but I just don’t have that burning desire to have children quiet frankly I am terrified of something coming out of me I just don’t think it’s very me. With admitting that to people there comes a whole lot of quilt as a woman I am meant to want children and a family I am meant to cluck and mother hen over children and babies when really I just think man that doesn’t look like fun. Maybe I haven’t met the right person yet that makes me want to have kids. I have no idea but Birthdays make me think about this stuff but then I think damn it just do what you want and it will all figure it’s self out your educated, your young(ish) live your life and stop worrying there won’t be enough time to do everything as worrying won’t make time stop and regret is no ones friend.
So Happy Birthday to me and Happy Birthday to you all. xo